Real Life Christianity

As the flight attendant passed my aisle, I made eye contact for the first time since boarding an hour earlier.

“Can I have some more napkins, please?,” I asked, between small gasps unsuccessfully controlling the hot tears dripping onto the open Bible in front of me.

A small pile of soaked tissues had already accumulated on the fifth book of Matthew and now, tiny salty stains were forming from the unbridled stream of tears. Without comment, the flight attendant returned a few minutes later with four napkins in hand.

I had forced myself to wait until I was at least on the plane to have a breakdown. I mean, nobody likes to be that random stranger weeping in the airport. In the darkened cabin of the night flight back to Washington, DC, though, I felt secure in relieving the hurt welling up inside of me.

The hour preceding my flight had been spent at the gate in (phone) conversation with a romantic interest who had just returned from the Caribbean. In an ill-intentioned attempt to misalign my character (for reasons not worth discussing here), his uncle had stood before four generations of his family to offer advice to the nieces and nephews (of whom my friend is one of) at a large, family function. His pithy and profound directive was not to date anyone from a broken home…like me. If it sounds random and confusing, I assure you that it probably was. Except when placed in context.

Like most children of divorced parents, thirteen years after the fact, the character of who I am, who I will be, and the kind of wife I may potentially make is often concentrated down to a single event between the two people who gave me life, and of which, I had absolutely no part of. My education, personal accomplishments, and spirituality are masked by presumptions about my obviously innate emotional instabilities…based only on the fact that my parents are divorced. It is discouraging, disheartening, and blatantly unfair.

Matthew 5 reminds us that there will come a time when all of us will be insulted, persecuted, and accused of all sorts of false evils because of who we are–Christians (verse 11). Matthew 5:11 says to rejoice in spite of our hurting, though, and Psalm 37 encourages us over and over again not to “fret” about “wicked plots against the righteous” because it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:28 says, “They [God’s faithful ones] will be protected forever, but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off.”

I wish that discrimination based on idle gossip and factors outside of our control was an occurrence exclusive only to me, but it is an event that plagues all of us. Sometimes it’s nearly effortless to dismiss ignorant and misinformed people. Other times, we realize that we have never truly healed from our pain and find ourselves fighting battles we already thought we won.

In light of this week’s events, I would be remiss to not encourage all the single parents (and of course, other singles!) to treat themselves to the A.S.A.M. (Adventist Single Adult Ministries) weekend that will be presented next week right here at Miracle Temple! The cost is only $15 for lunch. We are inexpressibly proud of who you are and who you have made us.

This week, you can also hop on over to Adventist Today, where my relationship advice blog on Wednesday will be titled, In Defense of Single Parenthood (sorry, I got a little riled up this week!). More importantly, our own Pastor Fredrick Russell is gracing the cover of the July issue with his (thought-provoking and on point!) commentary, “Peculiar Institution” about segregation in the church.

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It was just after 11:30 p.m. and Phil, his cousin Lee, and I had just gorged ourselves on an amazing Mexican feast prepared by our hosts, Vishaan and Sophia.  We had finished nibbling on cake, sipped chai, and were preparing to leave when it happened.

“Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!”

Five successive shots shattered the quiet of the private neighborhood, leaving our hosts as dumbfounded as we were.  

“Were those gun shots?,” someone asked.

Vishaan quickly flipped the lights off and we scrambled into the safety of the kitchen—away from the exposed windows where the shots had been fired only a few feet away.  Vishaan called 911.  

Within five minutes, police cars were in the neighborhood—cruising past the upscale facades shrouded in darkness.  They stopped in front of Vishaan and Sophia’s house, where Lee’s tricked out Mitsubishi was parked. 

“Why are they looking at my car!  Did it get shot?  No, they are NOT running my plates!  Why am I getting stereotyped!,” Lee protested loudly. 

Lee peered through a small window in the foyer, giving us a running commentary as the police took their time hovering over his car.  The longer they took, the more agitated he got.  They obviously presumed that his car was related to whatever had just happened.  His out of state tags were conspicuous, though, as were his rims and model of his car.

“Tomorrow we’ll go and get you some new rims,” Vishaan instructed.  “You can’t have those black ones anymore,” he told Lee. 

It was definitely unfair that Lee’s car had been singled out, but as the only suspicious looking car on the block, he couldn’t help but be marked by the police.  Lee is smart, wholesome, and not even remotely involved in gang activities, but the appearance of his car suggested otherwise—especially in the context of the evening.

We all have characteristics about ourselves that communicate who we are and what we believe.  Hopefully, our dress, language, and behavior speak positively about us, but like with Lee’s car, sometimes we inadvertently misrepresent ourselves. 

As Christians, John 13:35 reminds us, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”  Our commission to show Christ through our love to others is only intensified by the knowledge that another mark, spoken of in Revelation 13:16-17, is coming soon. The mark of the beast will usher in the second coming of Christ, but not before many are deceived by it.  Unlike the action of love, the mark of the beast will not denote followers of Christ, but sycophants of the beast (Revelation 13).  

Every day, we are unconsciously witnessing to those searching for God by what we say and do.  What are your marks saying about you and the God you represent?

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The stifling heat of the day was just starting to dissipate when we passed him. I was walking to Kramerbooks in Dupont Circle after dinner with my friend and his cousin.

Shaking his extended paper cup so that the coins inside rattled loudly, a panhandler in front of the bookstore’s façade entreated us,

“Got any spare change?”

I rarely give money to panhandlers, preferring to offer food. Luckily for the man on the corner, I just happened to be carrying the leftover half of my vegetarian kway teow from Raku.

“Are you hungry?,” I asked, in response.

“Yes!,” he answered eagerly.

It was the precise moment at which he answered in the affirmative, however, that he gauged my intentions. Eyeing the plastic bag in my hand, he quickly followed with,

“But I don’t eat just anything! What is it?”

My friend, Phil, started laughing. I was speechless.

Admittedly, there are panhandlers who are visibly disappointed to receive dinner in lieu of a worn dollar bill. More than once, though, I have witnessed gratitude sometimes so ravenous that the contents of a styrofoam container are devoured before my eyes.

The Kramerbooks beggar ignored us as we passed, however. He was content to continue panhandling rather than consuming the leftovers of a random diner in a flowered sundress.

The question, “are you hungry?,” is a powerful one—especially in our Christian experience. We are encouraged us in Matthew 5:6 to be hungry and thirsty for righteousness and then, promised we will be filled. Using the word, “hunger,” in this verse implies that we should be longing often and powerfully. After all, when we stop eating food, the desire for it only intensifies before becoming painful and eventually, life-threatening.

Hungering for righteousness is no different.

I was surprised by the beggar in Dupont Circle yesterday, but his response to “are you hungry?” was what ours should be too. The story of the woman at the well in John 4 reminds us that not just anything can fill the need we have for Christ. We too have to be beggars who are choosy about what we eat.

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The hallways of the Capital Memorial Church were brimming with church and community members when we arrived. The International Food Fair, I’m told, is one of their largest events of the year.

Dodging the rain and slipping in a side entrance, we were greeted with ethnic aromas emanating from nearly a half dozen rooms downstairs. Not knowing where to begin, my friend, Phil, and I solicited the advice of a kind faced woman wearing an embroidered tunic and a smile.

“You can start in any room (representing different regions),” she told us. “Just pace yourself! There’s a lot of food.”

Her advice would be valuable. The flavors were abundant, as were the samplings. So, after two hours of grazing and mingling, we were stuffed. I was still teasing the remainder of the vegan chocolate cake on my plate with a fork when I sat down next to a woman named Kathy on a couch in the fellowship hall.

“So, are you a member of this church?,” I asked, making small talk.

Like me, she wasn’t. She wasn’t an Adventist either. She simply lived in the area, as I did. She was raised a Jew and was now a practicing non-denominational Christian.

“Can I ask you what Adventists believe?,” she offered, after learning that I was one.

Such a request should have been expected, but I was still caught off guard.

1 Peter 3:15 flashed in my mind, as I started to answer. I mentioned the second coming as well as a seventh day Sabbath. I had briefly mentioned the state of the dead and health laws when Phil returned from another room. He started to explain the prominence of end time events.

“Hmm…that’s interesting,” she said. “I guess I’ve just never seen things that way.”

Of our entire conversation (which continued for several more minutes), it was this statement that I found most profound. Growing up as an Adventist, I found it impossible to see things any other way. Every Adventist child has a mental picture of when Jesus will come.

When my sister was three, she had a bag packed for heaven. My mom says it contained one of her favorite outfits and a washcloth. She would take it everywhere—just in case. Phil says he used to scoff at the idea of having to prepare for college, knowing that Jesus would come before he would ever have the opportunity. For me, I always thought I’d live to see adulthood, but I can’t picture any future children living on earth beyond early childhood. In my mind, Jesus is going to come before they hit puberty.

Yet, there are many for whom the idea of a second coming—much less signs that might be heralding it—is completely foreign. The diminishing morality of our culture and political, economic, and natural disasters are seen as simply results of an evolving planet and peoples. To think that the first time a person might hear of a second coming is from one of us (from me?!) is shocking. As the birth pains continue to intensify, it is only even more important that we have an answer ready for the faith that we have—as well as an explanation for someone who may have never heard of end time events. What would you want to know if you were in their position? What will you tell them?

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Sitting in the lounge downstairs at Napoleon’s, the other girls were past the verge of tipsy. It was approaching 11 p.m. after all, and my classmates and I had been here since 6 p.m.—first for dinner celebrating Nancy’s 26^th and now downstairs, people watching and dancing.

“I’ve told him I like him on more than one occasion,” Marcia told us.

Some of the other girls already knew the story about one of our other male classmates, but Kate and I didn’t.

“Then, there was the incident last summer, where he didn’t make a move,” she sighed deeply. “Either he really doesn’t like me…or he’s gay.”

We consoled her with reminders of the fact that she was cute, bubbly, and fun. She was also intensely brilliant. For him and his competitive personality, this may have been a turn-off, but clearly the problem lay with him. She was a great catch.

“Maybe he’s looking for a serious relationship and knew that a hook-up would make things awkward afterward,” I offered.

We do spend an inordinate amount of time with each other and I dared not interject stronger views about umm…more effective dating methods right now.

“Or, maybe it was weird that Steph (another classmate) was in the same apartment that night,” another friend offered.

“I think he’s just a really decent guy,” was the final piece of advice from Jenny.

“No, but we were wasted,” Marcia silenced us. “And we were in bed. Any sort of ethical reservations go at the window at that point—no matter who the guy is.”

“He’s definitely gay,” Steph concluded, urged on by nods and sighs.

It was a sad and stunning commentary on the cunning wiles of woman. We claim to want a man who is decent and upstanding and then attempt to gain his affection by putting him in positions that will challenge and compromise those very ideals.* If he crumbles, he’s a jerk and a player. If he doesn’t, he’s obviously gay.

No resolution was availed as to the questionable sexual orientation of our classmate, but his fate is likely sealed as the subject of commentary for future gatherings over Cosmopolitans and Shirley temples…at least as long as Marcia likes him (and if you even mock my choice of virgin drink in the comments, we will have words later).

Ultimately, God gives us guidelines about purity for a reason. He never intended for relationships to be built on foundations of drunken orgies and unintentional hookups. Those only pressure one or both parties into long-term relationships that aren’t even remotely indicative of the initial encounter. Instead, the Bible gives us clear instructions about waiting, trusting, and uplifting each other (Hebrews 10:24, Matt. 18:6, Hebrews 13:4, Jeremiah 29:11, Prov. 3:5-6, Matt. 5:27-30, Psalm 27:14). It’s also worth noting that the Bible depicts both wisdom and crooked adultery as female (Prov. 3:13-20, Prov. 5:1-23).

We always have a choice in these matters and knowing the modus operandi of the darker personality, I can’t say I’d exactly blame my classmate if he is…well, gay.

 

*I say “we,” because women in the Adventist church often resort to the same tactics. You may not be that woman and I may not be that woman, but trust me, they’re there. If you’re still skeptical, ask one of the leaders sometime.

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